It is Monday 1st January approximately 10:30am and for the first time in weeks I feel able to be productive. Around mid December I hit a bit of a stickling point physically. I have a constant knot in my upper left shoulder blade that tends to act up when I’m stressed and hectic and it got to the point where I felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing me. I was attempting to keep up with vlogmas whilst also attempting to finish all of my projects in time for the holidays and chase unpaid invoices (the life of a freelancer) and generally keep up with my lovely events and take lovely photos etc. I just reached a point where my body sort of crumbled a little and right after our annual Christmas party my body literally said to me “ok, it’s time to chill now” and I couldn’t stop it.
It was crazy, the exhaustion set in and I got a really nasty and heavy cold which wiped me out. I spent the penultimate week of December literally lying on my sofa in and out of sleep and heaving myself off to do some fun festive outings like going to see Hamilton (absolutely incredible) and enjoy some family time. By the time Christmas came around I was still pretty exhausted and then over the past few days the exhaustion lifted somewhat and the guilt of not doing anything for two weeks set in which lead to a feeling of dread and anxiety of getting stuck back in. This post isn’t designed to be self indulgent but I feel it’s important to share, ups and downs (highs and lows) don’t have to be incredible happiness and terrible tragedies, sometimes it can be as small a change as your body just being too tired to handle anymore. Even though I was exhausted I’ve actually never been happier or content emotionally which in itself felt like a weird oxymoron.
As I was saying, the last few days the dread set in as I looked at this whole new year stretching in front of me like a blank page that needs to be filled. And then this morning as I’m starting to potter around and slowly remove the Christmas decorations I felt truly ready.
This break has been wonderful but I am ready for 2018 and I know it’s going to be an incredibly exciting one filled with memories and working hard but also enjoying time with my friends and family. I’m looking forward to getting back to my Russian lessons which start back up mid January, back to producing regular YouTube content, back to writing more on here and so much more newness and new journeys. I will endeavour to be kinder to those around me and to myself, take a breath or a beat to not get worked up over small things (and therefore not get my shoulder knot in a tizz), be a more considerate and calm driver, not flake on friends as much, if I can’t get to the gym then do some yoga at home, continue to eat healthily and generally just be a less hectic and frazzled individual.
I wish you all the best for 2018 and want to thank you for reading and supporting me, it means the world to me!