Let’s Catch Up

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Oh it was all going so well wasn’t it? I was vlogging every day despite absolutely hating my appearance and scathingly judging myself whilst editing, but I was doing it, that was the point wasn’t it? I was vlogging, I was editing, I was uploading, I was continuing with all my meetings and events (because I needed footage for the vlogs!) and hiding behind my hair as much as I could whilst my skin erupted and scarred and my self esteem was lowering by the day. I then had 5 unexpected projects pop up out the blue which was amazing because it meant money, and more money before Christmas is what everyone wants right? The projects required more than I had anticipated, the vlogging required more than anticipated, an ongoing project that I thought was smooth sailing started to falter and then it all sort of fell apart. I lost my vlogging rhythm, I stopped uploading daily, and just when I had two vlogs left to at least tie it all together I came down with a horrid heavy cold/light flu (seriously though what is the difference between a cold and flu!?) and I was ill over Christmas and barely able to get by with the festivities let alone vlog 🙁

If this sounds too moanie I apologise, I really haven’t wanted to moan, but I wanted to enlighten you as to why I didn’t finish vlogmas. The weird thing is that after stopping daily vlogging my skin miraculously cleared up totally. I don’t think it was the lack of vlogging that did it, but I do think the less I was stressing over its state the less stress I put on myself and my body was able to clear up the acne breakouts which I’d been struggling with since mid October. I also think four weeks of no coffee and five weeks of a strict and simple skincare routine and in general cutting out gluten and most sugars really helped, my skin is finally dare I say good and I feel confident that it will remain so if I continue to treat it properly.

With hindsight I never should have committed to vlogmas when my skin was at its worst ever (worse even than my teenage years) and when life was already pretty hectic, but I managed so well last year that I thought it would be a doddle, “I’m not an NHS nurse” I said “vlogging daily is eaaaasy” I sing songed. Well I was wrong, it’s punishing when you have commitments racking up, and it was hard on my self esteem. As I lie here in a ring of tissues trying not to let the screen get me dizzy I’ve come to the conclusion that I should always stick to my gut and never push myself to prove a point…to myself. But one thing I am adamant about is that in 2017 my content schedule will be consistent. I will blog up to 3 times a week and I will upload one to two videos a week as well. I have already filmed my 2016 favourites and just need to get that edited to hopefully be uploaded by Saturday, I also want to film my first What I Got for Christmas video. I know they’re quite naff and cringe, but I freaking love watching them and my family did an awesome job of finding varied and cool gifts for me and I want to share that with the internet, so once the room stops spinning I will be getting that filmed and up!

I hope you have all had the most amazing Christmas, despite my illness I sudafeded myself up and had an awesome day with my family, I’m now going to have a nap as this evening I’m going to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child – my excitement levels are as high as I will be once I pop a few more Sudafed to get me through. All joking asides though I can feel myself getting better and I’m more excited than ever to get sunk back in to creating content, thank you for sticking with me!

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12 Comments

  1. ginevra1463
    December 28, 2016 / 5:56 pm

    I really feel your “pain” about the skin problem… I’m 23 and I genuinely don’t remember clearly my face without blemish… because you can’t have a clear image of your face during first grade period, I know there where no pimples then but I don’t “remember” it! Is really a condition that affects the everyday life… for example I’m in a long term relationship (6 years this past October) but I’m really conscious about my boyfriend touching my face… I’m ok being with no makeup but I really don’t like being watched “to much”! And this is so sad… on our august trip to Berlin the situation went really really brutal on my self confidence… we were guests at my girlfriends house… in the morning was terrible even if she was a women… and the makeup to do when the only this I wanted was go out and explore the city as soon as possible! I love makeup, I’ve learned to love it, and I will always love makeup but I’m really tired of the “obligation” that I feel because of my skin… since the end of September I’m on accutene, I know that is not an option for you, but I really hope the best for you… and for me! The people that have good skin naturally don’t understand the immense gift that they have… I send you from Italy a big huggggg <3 Ginevra ❤

    • December 29, 2016 / 2:52 pm

      I can relate to literally everything you’ve said. Even when my skin is clear and spot free I still have to cover up my scars even to pop out to buy food as I feel so self conscious. When I met my husband 6 years ago my skin was actually pretty much clear so I’m really quite relaxed in front of him but I would NEVER let him or ANYONE touch my face, I myself only touch it to cleanse and to apply makeup and even then I wash my hands 15 times before. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment and I hope accutane gives you the skin you deserve! xx

      • ginevra1463
        December 29, 2016 / 11:24 pm

        I really hope that one day you will visit Rome and do a meetup ^.^ we are all dairy free and sugar free but hey… this gelato will be for a good cause!!!! I wish you and your family (I literally love your mother… I’m subscriber of her channel and I love it) a wonderful new year! :)<3

        • December 30, 2016 / 12:07 pm

          Next time I’m in Rome 🙂 we can have some gelato! Happy New Year to your family too! xx

  2. Maria
    December 28, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    Hi Tijan, completely understandable. I think it is nice that you wanted to explain what happened, but it did not evern occur for me to question. I find it a pain in the butt, just to take pictures sometimes, whenever, for myself. I personally do not have the patience to film and edit as you vlogger do, so that is great that you chose to do this as a part of your life. I am sorry that you were feeling bad about yourself, we all do, no matter how old we are. I hope you know that you do not appear as bad as you might think, but again, it is easier for me to say, than for you to believe at times. Thanks for all and any videos you do, and I hope you have a great New Year! All the best. Hugs from a Chicago follower 🙂

    • December 29, 2016 / 2:53 pm

      Thank you so much for your understanding and lovely comment Maria 🙂

  3. Britta
    December 29, 2016 / 12:27 pm

    Hi Tijan, your channel is one of my favorites and really enjoyed your vlogmas. I really love your style! When I had a breakout last May (skin went through a purge from quitting smoking) I didn’t even want to leave the house so kudos to you for putting yourself out there. Happy to hear you and your skin are doing much better :-). Wish you the best in the coming year!

    • December 29, 2016 / 2:54 pm

      Believe me there were times when I really didn’t want to leave the house too, luckily as with all things in life things move on and things get better! I hope your skin is beautiful now and good on you for quitting smoking! x

  4. December 29, 2016 / 9:05 pm

    I really enjoyed your vlogmas! I’m sorry that your self esteem has been affected by your skin troubles but I see it as empowering that you continued to push yourself despite not feeling your best. Do you take zinc supplements? I find them great for my skin and the new oil from Pestle & Mortar is amazing – a huge cystic boil like spot erupted on my face on Christmas Eve on my jawline and it looked so distorted – I applied the oil that night and Christmas night and it was completely gone the next day – miraculous!!

    I’m looking forward to your content in 2017 – I’ve watched your videos since you began & love them! Would love to see weekly vlogs! xx

    Beautylymin| LuxuryFragranceBundleGiveaway

  5. December 29, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    Hi Tijan, please don’t be so hard on yourself – I really enjoyed the vlogs that you put up and I completely understand about the skin thing. I am 21 now and literally haven’t remembered a time over the age of 11 where I didn’t have at least one spot and it is infuriating… I read in someone’s comments that you couldn’t go on accutane, i’m not sure why you can’t but I went on it when I was 15 and honestly it was awful. After a couple of months it made my skin honestly about 10 or 15 times worse than it ever had been and my body got so so dry – to put this into perspective I could not wash my hair for 10 days and it still would look clean, and when I had PE at school my body ached so much. I know that it does work for so many people but it didn’t for me which absolutely sucks and i’m starting to give up on the idea of EVER having clear skin. If you find any miracle products please let me know 🙁 xxx

    • December 30, 2016 / 12:06 pm

      Hi Alexandra,

      I’m going to film a video but here is what has worked really well for me over the past month. Giving up coffee and gluten on top of dairy (and cutting down on refined sugars but hey we’re only human), only using La Roche Posay Toleriane and Skinceuticals Phyto Corrective (it is actually a miraculous product), only using Suqqu Frame Fix Liquid Foundation Lightness and using no blush/contour or anything else on top of my cheek area (which are always my most inflamed). That paired with sleeping well and drinking water (no wine by the way as well) literally cleared up the worst breakout ever which I strongly believe was caused by using too many different products at the same time. I’d recommend doing everything that I did all together – don’t just do the skincare without the diet – genuinely I am sure you will see some improvement. Oh and also for blemishes I’m only using Nelson’s Acne Gel (bought on Amazon) and it reduces redness quickly without irritating surrounding skin.

      Good luck!

      T xxx

  6. Emily L
    December 29, 2016 / 9:43 pm

    Tijan- I watched all your vlogmas videos and enjoyed them but I totally agree that it’s best to take a break and take care of yourself. Your subscribers understand and I look forward to your content in 2017! You are one of the only youtubers whose opinions/suggestions I take seriously. XX from NY

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